Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem
Assalaamu alaykum wa
Rahmatullaahi wa Barkaatuhu
Allahumma sualli 'alaa sayyidinaa
Muhammad wa 'alaa aalihii wa ashaabihi wa sallam
9th Rabi'al thani, 1436
Alhamdulillaah
for absolutely everything. When we try to count our blessings which we can
never be able to do, we get amazed by how much Allah azza wa jal has provided
and is providing for us. Unfortunately however, most of us indeed are
ungrateful to Allah subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa. We whine about everything. May
Allah azza wa jal forgive us always. Aameen.
The Era of Excellence
She Wanted More than a Man
She
could finally see that this was a beautiful soul she had been blessed with as a
worker. She saw deeply into this beauty and she needed and wanted to make him
hers. This was a woman whom so many high ranking men in her society yearned for
badly but she saw beyond them to one to whom she was a boss. She made her
proposal therefore known to him.
Such
was Nana Khadijah, radiyallaahu anhaa, the wife of Rasuulullaah, suallal Laahu
alayhi wa sallam. She wanted a lot more than just a man.
A Wife for a Son
He
was then the ‘Ameer-ul-Mu’mineen. On one of his famous night vigils, he overhears
a mother and a daughter’s conversation. The mother wants to dilute their milk
to increase their profit and this noble girl advises her against it because if
Umar ibn al-Khattab, radiyallaahu anhu, who had ruled against diluting of milk,
was not there, Allah azza wa jal was perfectly aware and seeing of them. This
action had proven to Umar radiyallaahu anhu that indeed this daughter was a
beautiful soul and for that matter, he thought, she should be a part of his
family, marry one of his sons. He had told this girl;
‘Islam needs daughters like you and as
a Khalifa of Islam, it devotes on me to reward you by owning you as a daughter.’
To
his sons, he said;
‘Here is a gem of a girl who would
make a great mother. I desire that one of you should take this girl as a wife.
I know of no better bride than this girl of sterling character. In matters of
wedlock, it should be the character and not the stature in life that should
count.’
So
his son, Asim, radiyallaahu anhu who was not married then, had married this
girl and their great grandchild is the popular Umar Abdul Aziz (the second
Umar).
An Obviously Better Replacement
Abu
Salamah radiyallaahu dies and his wife, Umm Salamah wonders whether she could
get a husband like him ever. Prophet Muhammad suallal Laahu alayhi wa sallam,
the best of creation, proposed marriage to her. That is how short-sighted our
human selves are. Perhaps we have not understood the fact that Allah azza wa
jal is definitely able to do all things. Perhaps, we will never really
understand. She gave the Prophet suallal Laahu alayhi wa sallam three reasons
why she could not marry him;
1.
She was a very jealous person (she cannot
contain rivals).
2.
She was elderly
3.
She had children
Rasuulullaah
had responded to each of these in the best of ways and so she joined the
Ummahaat-ul-Mu’mineen, the Mothers of the Believers. And we must note that the
Prophet suallal Laahu alayhi wa sallam, does not marry except women of
Paradise.
Casting my Mind Back
I
was fresh in level 100, University of Ghana. I MCed an interesting programme
that got me going off in annoyance. I was told the ladies don’t take up those
kinds of roles – MCing, so a lot of people were surprised a fresher could do
that. Not my fault! I had the Girl’s school spirit running through me – smile to
Jannah. This kind of put me in the public eye and it wasn’t totally pleasant.
They
had discussed about ‘grabbing,’ that is’ ‘finding a lady or a guy whom you hope
to marry in future’ at the programme. Among the things that annoyed me and I
couldn’t believe that Muslims could actually condone were;
1.
A guy takes the mic and says that if the Muslim
ladies are proving difficult to grab, they will go for the non-Muslims and the Muslim
ladies will be found wanting – that was annoying.
2.
A lady comes up and begins shouting, ‘Please
come and grab me!’ – that was extra annoying.
The
questions I had always asked with some of these proposals that some of the
ladies in such an institution are not spared of are;
1.
What is the essence of the proposal? (the
grabbing)
2.
After the proposal, ‘grabbing, ‘what next?
I
have found myself compulsoryly listening to a guy who wanted to grab me one day
at a very late hour. Among the reasons he gave for wanting so badly to grab me
were that he likes the way I talk and walk. Keep smiling. That was interesting
and annoying. In the long run, it was that;
‘Be my girl now. When I am done with
school (that is after a year), finish my service, get a job, then we get
married.’
Now,
why am I telling this story? I want us to take a cursory look at the stories of
the marriage proposals of the era of excellence and compare it with this and
many others I cannot write about and then let us all analyse the state of the
Ummah. I can’t say you should smile. I can’t.
Back to the Era of Excellence
Yearning for a Great
Lineage
Umar
ibn al-Khattab, radiyallaahu anhu had wanted to marry the daughter of Abubakar,
radiyallaahu anhu because he yearned to join his lineage with that of such a
noble man. The girl had declined his proposal. Then he had sought for the
granddaughter of the noblest of creations, rasuulullaah and then she became his
wife.
The Great Loss, the
Greater Gain
Her
husband has suddenly left Islam and died afterwards. Her father was then an
ardent enemy of Islam but she was strong and firm in her faith in the Prophet
of Allah and what he preached. She was far away in another man’s land. Then her
dream of being called; ‘Mother of the Believers’ had suddenly come true when
the Prophet suallal Laahu alayhi wa sallam had proposed marriage to her. Her
little loss (the apostasy and death of her husband) and now her greater gain
(marriage to the best of men). Such was the story of Ramlah bint Abu Sufyan
(Umm Habiba) radiyallaahu anhaa.
A Man Could Sign Such a
Marriage Contract
Now,
I am really inspired and over impressed with the strength of will and eemaan
that a woman of our times, Zeinab al-Gazali had. Interesting enough is an
aspect of her marriage contract which said;
‘…let trust', she said, 'be full
between us. A full trust between a man and a woman, a woman who, at the age of
18, gave her whole life to Allah and da'wah.
In the event of any clash between the
marriage contract's interest and that of da'wah, our marriage will end, but da'wah will always remain rooted in me…. I know that it is your
right to command me and that it is my duty to obey you, but God in our souls is
greater than our souls, and His da'wah
is dearer to us than ourselves…’
What could make a man sign such a marriage
contract? Well, read the book, ‘the Return of Pharaoh’ by Zeinab al-Gazali and
the answer will come clear to you. She was a woman who was worth such a sacrifice
from a man who knew her essence.
A Man in Search of the
Best for a Daughter
Hafsah,
radiyallaahu anhaa, had lost her husband and her father goes from one top
sahaaba to the other to give his daughter to them but they all do not show
interest in them. Little did he know that Allah azza wa jal had a greater plan
for him, to marry his daughter to the best of men, Rasuulullaah suallal Laahu
alayhi wa sallam.
A Woman From Jannah (Paradise)
Among
the beloved of people to the Prophet Muhammad suallal Laahu alayhi wa sallam
was Barakah popularly known as Umm Ayman, radiyallaahu anhaa. One day, the
Prophet said about this woman, who was like a mother to him (she had been his
nanny from the time he was born), he said;
‘Should one of you desire to marry a
woman from the people of Paradise, let him marry Umm Ayman.’
Now,
who does not desire this? Keep smiling!
Zaid
ibn Harithah radiyallaahu anhu, another beloved of the Prophet had come forward
to marry her. They had given birth to one of the best of the sahaaba
(companions of the Prophet) called Osama ibn Zaid, radiyallaahu anhu.
These
are stories we must go back to in order to extract the lessons to live our
lives. We must not just read them for reading sake but we must passionately
seek out the lessons in them. In an era where we are so obsessed about getting
married (good thing though) without knowing exactly what we should be looking
out for in our spouses and how we can do it for the sake of Allah azza wa jal
(it is 50 percent, that is not a joke), we simply have to go back to the era of
excellence for lessons.
She Married Him Anyway
Julaybeeb,
radiyallaahu anhu, was known as the sahaaba who was unpleasant to the sight
(describe as very ugly). He did not have any social standing and friends. His
lineage was even unknown yet he had been a beloved of Rasuulullaah suallal
Laahu alayhi wa sallam. Such was the Prophet, extremely amazing. The Prophet
sought a noble woman’s hand in marriage for Julaybeeb. The lady’s family had
been overwhelmed at such a proposal. How could they stoop so low as to marry
their princess to such an unpleasant man. This noble lady upon finding out that
it was the Prophet who was seeking her hand in marriage for Julaybeeb, agreed
to marry him.
Soon
after the marriage, Julaybeeb got martyred in one of the battles and many men
of high social and religious standing wanted to marry this woman for the
barakah (blessing) she carried.
Before Her Marriage
The
essence of this article is to make sisters think about the reasons for which
men married the women of old, who were blessed with the best of character. If a
male reads this, he may as well take lessons for what he should be looking for
in a woman as a wife.
Obviously,
marriage to them meant a lot more than having someone to have intimacy,
children, conversation, etc, with. They needed to use their marriage as a means
to attain a high status before Allah azza wa jal both in this Dunya and the
Akhirah. So when they searched, they wanted beautiful hearts and souls whom
they could tell, will aid them to achieve their aim of attaining the best of
what Allah azza wa jal could offer them in this Dunya and the Akhirah.
What About Us Today
To
my sisters, when a man who is not ready to marry you or who is unable to marry
you proposes to you and you agree to this proposal (and that is the lifestyle
of most of the men of today, even some of the seemingly religious ones), ask
yourself;
‘What will the two of you be doing
with yourselves?’
Note: There
are some cases where the right thing could be done between two people who
express interest in each other for marriage long before they marry due to very
tangible reasons but most of the stories have not been pleasant and we can only
caution ourselves against it.
An Advice to the Sisters
Work
at being the best of servants to Allah azza wa jal as you can and pray that
when making a choice of a spouse for you, He, subhaanahu wa ta ‘aalaa will let
that person marry you for the kind of reasons the men of old married the women
of old. Smiles! So that at the end of the day, your marriage will be one that
serves as a means towards your Jannah here in this Dunya and the Akhirah.
An Advice to the Man Who Might Read
This
And
this has always been my advice to all my male ‘friends’ who want so badly to
marry but are not able to do so now.
‘Try hard to concentrate your energy
on your ability to marry before you go proposing to ladies even when you are
afraid you might lose them. Whatever is meant to be yours will be yours. Do the
right thing. Smiles.’
Alhamdulillaah!
Lengthy! But of course, reading adds unto you. Never be lazy at doing it. I
pray and hope that this will touch someone’s heart for the better. May Allah
azza wa jal always forgive our shortfalls and grant us the best of what He
offers His servants in this Dunya and the Akhirah. Jazaakumullaahu khair!
Rubaba
Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu
www.beforehermarriage.blogspot.com before her marriage writings
www.mmahajia.blogspot.com my articles
www.strivingbeautifulsoul.blogspot.com my beautiful soul series
www.rubabawords.blogspot.com my poems
